Goals,Doctor Visits, and Kicking Diabetes in the Arse

As much of a struggle that diabetes has been I am in a way thankful. It was the kick in the pants I needed to make a change in my life. I had to choose to overcome complacency, choose to alter long time habits, and choose to go to work.

It has been strange really. For years I felt like I had lost myself, lost the drive and enthusiasm that I once cherished. I allowed people in my life to convince me that abandoning my passion was best for me. Passions and hobbies that they perceived as worthless, simply because they couldn't understand. I spiraled into a 7 year depression characterized by self-destructive job wandering, and periods of unemployment. I felt isolated and uncomfortable wherever I was. I had given up on myself. My financial depression also had a terrible effect on my diet. I subsisted on generic brand macaroni, instant potatoes, and pancake mix. I put on another 100 lbs. I hid from my problems. While I have made strides in the last year to better secure my financial and living situation, I still neglected my physical well being. It is no surprise that things came to a head in the form of diabetes. However, my diagnosis has triggered and awakening. I care about the food I eat. I care about exercise and I feel this overwhelming drive to control my diabetes instead of being controlled by it.

I saw the doctor last Friday and I am feeling a little victorious. I weighed 289 lbs, my blood pressure was approaching normal, and my A1c was down to 8.1 from 12.3 after 2 months. I have lost 18 lbs and 4 inches and even though I have a long way to go I feel like I can do this. I can own my diabetes.

My ordeal has also got me thinking about other aspects on my life, the fact that I abandoned my dreams and morphed into a fat hermit, and I came to another conclusion. I am tired of waiting for permission to live. With that in mind I have made some additional non-diabetes goals for myself, some will take longer than others.

1. Relearn bravery. In my depression and isolation I became a tremendous chicken that fed every insecurity and discomfort. I can't drive on the freeway without trembling and I avoid anything that gives me the least amount of anxiety. I miss my friends that live outside my valley. I want to try new things and feel fierce and adventurous. My goal is to do one thing a week that makes my really uncomfortable.
2. Ride Horses. My work with horses used to be something that was a part of my identity. While I'm not in a secure enough financial state to own my own horse there are things that I can do get some ride time. I plan in to find a farm that will take me as a student, and that has a lesson horse that is suitable for a person of my current stature.
3. Resolve my Debt. I have made decisions that are not financially smart. Especially when I was un or under employed. I have made much progress on this, but I want to step it up. My goal is to be debt free by 2019.
4. Health. This encompasses my weight loss, fitness, and diabetes management goals. I want to attend the gym 5 days a week, reduce my A1c to 6,  lose weight(150 lbs) and be able to go off my diabetes medication.

Lofty perhaps, but I'm tired of messing around.